I’m enjoying this four day long weekend in Hawke’s Bay 🔆
This photo is from yesterday. It was taken about 15 minutes before I had a nervous breakdown. I was very anxious yesterday and sensitive to everything. Today is a new day and I’m looking forward to new opportunities and making new memories 💫
*This will be personal. You have been advised* (Please be kind, it’s taken a lot for me to talk about this)
In the last five weeks since creating this account. I have learnt a lot about borderline personality disorder and where I stand in society with my mind having a million thoughts a second. Both negative and positive. It’s tiring and I am exhausted by the end of the day trying to put a face on instead of being told that I’m angry, negative and being antisocial. Believe me I try to find happiness in every situation but sometimes I am so uncomfortable that the antisocial starts to take over and I become mute, angry and in tears. My mood changes so quickly.
Many symptoms of BPD that I have include:
Behavioural: antisocial behaviour, irritability, social isolation
Mood: anger, anxiety, mood swings, or sadness (I’m working on it all to become a better and happier version of myself)
Psychological: depression (yes I battle this daily and I’m trying really hard to overcome these thoughts)
Also common: thoughts of suicide (unfortunately yes this is a common occurrence in my head. I feel that my time is done and Im okay with that. But I know that it’s not the case because I do enjoy life)
For many of you that know me are aware that I am a sensitive soul. I become very upset quickly and want to remove myself from that given situation. I don’t like being centre of attention and will change the topic quickly.
This post is to make awareness towards everyone who is going through a tough time. Believe me it does get better. It just takes time.
Be kind to everyone in your path as we don’t know what the person next to us is going through 💫💕
What can I say? I’m an open book and there’s no filter on my language at times 🙊 (sometimes it adds character and humour to the story). I enjoy making people laugh around me. In that moment it gives me the satisfaction of knowing they are not focused on their stresses and instead focusing on the best natural healer, laughter. Even if it does mean making a fool out of myself. LOL.
We all have so many opportunities in a day to make the most of and create in ways that benefit us for our individual needs. Of course there are going to be moments where it becomes tough. Even in these dark moments it’s about finding that bit of strength, opportunity and solution to keep going 💯
I remember this day so well. It was in November 2014 and I was heading off to my school formal. It was the last day of school forever. I have so many positive memories from this day. While living in Australia my nan handmade my formal dress while living in New Zealand and only going off measurements my mum had given her. It fit perfectly. I felt feminine and pretty for the first time ever and I got the approval from a loved one I had longed to receive. It really was the best day ever.
Let’s talk about the big difference in this picture. YES I’m very tanned or as you can say ‘oompa’. I was in desperate need of trying to keep the same skin tone throughout my whole body. One week prior, I was at the beach and got badly sunburnt and I ended up with a massive sports bra tan line on the back. The spray tan was supposed to cover up how white I was where my sports bra was located 😂
I believe this so much!
During some tough periods in my life it was hard in the moment and I did not understand how to take it. Over the years as it become more repetitive (in different ways) I was able to find my strengths I didn’t know I had. These experiences were tough. Currently at times I am still processing some thoughts but I am a lot stronger and proud of who I am today and know that I have a voice 💗
Do what you want to do and what makes you happy. Do not focus on what the person next to you is doing. We are all on different paths and have different goals. Focus on your aspirations and what makes you happy. If we focus on what the person next to us is doing and comparing ourselves to them, we become an unhappy version of ourselves. Believe in your dreams and goals and focus on becoming the best version of yourself through trial and error 💯
Doing something unknown for the first time is always scary. But sometimes we need take that risk and live in the moment. Whether it’s starting a new business, moving out of home, buying a house or even moving countries. We all start somewhere. It’s about taking that leap and diving straight in. At first it’s quite scary and we begin to doubt ourselves and overthink of random situations. But once we are in that moment all those thoughts have disappeared and we are living in the present and thankful we took that leap of opportunity 💗
*IF YOU DON’T LIKE PUFFY FACES, ENTER AT YOUR OWN RISK *
Story time with Lauren...
Growing up in Australia I suffered really bad skin breakouts from ‘eczema’ all over my body. It become uncontrollable where it was itchy all the time and I would run off to my room to itch because it was so loud. After many doctor appointments it was recommended that I get a skin prick test to see what could be the reason as to why my skin was so aggressive. It turns out I am allergic to dust and shellfish (I have never had seafood in my life, LOL). Throwback to summer 2015 and I had a great day at the beach with my partner and decided on having pizza for dinner. My partner had pizza with shellfish on it. When it was time for him to go home, without thinking I kissed him goodbye. What can I say from one little peck and the little interaction with shellfish my face blew up in a reaction (as shown to the right). Throughout this experience I find it so funny that I am highly allergic to something I have never eaten.
Do you have any allergic reaction stories to share?
As I’m a very anxious person fear comes naturally. I am scared about the unknown and I overthink to the point where the situation in my head has blown out past the point of reality. I use this quote a lot because one it’s inked on me forever LOL. But also because it resembles that once I get over the fear of the unknown I am a woman of happiness and freedom. Some days I take that leap of faith and look for the positive in every path I put myself in.
Each day it does get better. I find I become a lot happier, relaxed and focused on the next hiccup ahead 💫
We all have struggles in everyday life. During the tough times and through the negative thoughts, it’s about whether you can dig deep and face the struggles head on. You will become a better and stronger version of yourself when overcoming the struggles with positivity. Some days it is harder than others but try and see the positive even in the smallest of things 💯